Thursday, March 31, 2016

Knee High To Jan

Heard around the house Wednesday night -

CYNDI:  Hey, does anyone know why Jan is making so much noise tonight?

RUSTY:  Yes, she's breathing.

CYNDI:  Would you ask her to tone it down for a bit? Wait, why is she breathing like that?

RUSTY:  Probably because if she doesn't, she'll die.  Oh, you mean, what caused it?  Grass.

CYNDI:  Is she allergic to grass?

MARCUS:  I hope not.  We sure have an abundance of it.  Look at how tall the grass is where Buddy and I are standing.

RUSTY:  I thought we didn't have any grass growing in the dog pen?

MARCUS:  We don't.  After the new water line and sidewalk were installed, the contractor seeded the dirt on both sides and new grass grew ... and grew ... and forgot to stop growing until mowing season.

CYNDI:  Wow, it sure did.  Is this what you see along the route you walk Jan?

MARCUS:  Only on this block.  Our grass was sown first.  The weather was the perfect temperature and we had an abundance of rain, so now we have an abundance of knee-high-to-Jan grass.

RUSTY:  Oh, good, somebody mowed it!

MARCUS:  Actually Jan couldn't stand looking at it any more and cut part of the grass on our property by hand yesterday.

CYNDI:  What a mess! 

MARCUS:  It took her a couple of hours to do most of one side of the sidewalk.  The grass was so thick and tall she couldn't use the long grass whip.  She had to use those oversized scissors.

RUSTY:  She must be tired!  And sore. 

MARCUS:  And grumpy.  I'd suggest staying as far away from her as possible for a few days.

RUSTY:  I guess that means you'll have to behave?

MARCUS:  I always behave!

CYNDI:  This week we are thankful a kind man volunteered to come by with a lawn mower, so Jan might not have to finish cutting the grass with scissors.

Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.   

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

The Whudunit Butler

MICAH:  Hey, Merci, you sure are concentrating hard on something.

MERCI: I'm trying my paw at writing some fiction.

CYNDI:  I bet it's a romance.

MERCI:  No, it's a whudunit.

MICAH:  If it's a whudunit, I know who did it.

MERCI:  No, you don't.  I don't even know whudunit.  I haven't finished it yet.

MICAH:  It's the butler; it's always the butler in a whudunit.

MERCI:  But there's no butler in my story.

MICAH:  There has to be.  You need to hire one right away.

MERCI:  But I don't want a butler in my story.  It's about a poor family.  They can't afford a butler.

CYNDI:  I don't know.  Micah likes to read.  If he says you have to have a butler, you need to hire a butler so you can finish your story.

MERCI:  Okay, fine.  Micah, would you like to be the butler?

MICAH:  No way!  The butler always goes to jail.  I don't want to spend the rest of my life in solitary.

CYNDI:  I'm surprised at you, Merci.  That is so mean wanting to send your own fursibling to prison.

MICAH:  Come on, Cyndi, let's go look for a snack in the kitchen.

MERCI:  Guys, I told you there's no butler in my whudunit.  I was only trying to hire you because you told me I had to hire a butler and I can't afford to hire a real one.

PERCY:  Hey, what's all the yelling about?  You interrupted my nap.

MERCI:   I wasn't yelling.  I just said there is no butler in my whudunit and the next thing I knew, I was accused of trying to send Micah to jail for life.

PERCY:  No butler in your whudunit?  There has to be a butler in a whudunit.  You need to hire one right away.  By the way, what does the butler do in your whudunit?

MERCI:  *taps Delete key*  He disappears into thin air!

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Chicken Yard Sale

MARCUS:  It's my turn to tell a story and I have a good one for you.

RUSTY:  Did you print copies?

MARCUS:  Copies?

RUSTY:  Yes, it's always good to pass out visuals so your audience can keep up with the topic.

PERCY:  Don't tease him, Rusty.  It's his first time at public storytelling.

MARCUS:  A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk, buk, buk!"  The librarian hands over three books and the chickens leave

PERCY:  Wait a minute!  Chickens don't say, "Buk, buk, buk."  They would say, "Cluck, cluck, cluck."

MARCUS:  Well, these chickens say, "Buk, buk, buk.".

RUSTY:  Percy is correct.  Do these chickens have a speech defect?  Or are they foreign chickens?

PERCY:  Wait, I get it. These are literate chickens that say, "Buk, buk, buk."    

MARCUS:  May I continue?  After a while the two chickens return.  They seem a bit vexed, and say, "Buk, buk, BUUUUK!"   The librarian gives them another three books and the chickens leave.

RUSTY:  Wow, such fast readers.

PERCY:  Maybe they're running a chick nursery.

MARCUS:  In a short while, the chickens return.  They seem annoyed, and say to the librarian, "Buk, buk, buk, buk, BUUUUUUK!"  The librarian gives them the five requested books, but she is now suspicious and decides to follow them.

RUSTY:  It's about time she gets suspicious. Those chickens could be having a yard sale.

MARCUS:  *clears throat*  She follows them to a park out of town and hides behind a tree.

PERCY:  Okay, this is a bit much.  Do you expect us to believe a grown woman can follow two chickens for some distance without being spotted?  Are these chickens blind?

MARCUS:  *glares at Percy*  From there, she watches the two chickens throw the books at a frog in a pond.  As they do, the frog keeps repeating, "rrredit, rrredit, rrredit ..."

PERCY:  So did the librarian leap in the pond and rescue the library books?

MARCUS:  No, the librarian kissed the frog and it turned into a prince and married one of the chickens.

RUSTY:  Oh, I get it.  This was a fairy tale. 

MARCUS:  No, it was a joke and the punch line flew right over your heads.

PERCY:  It did?  Perhaps we'll catch it if you tell us again.  Hey, come back.  No need to get testy. 

Monday, March 28, 2016

Blooper Soulmate

CYNDI:  Hey, Taylor, have you heard any of Jan's blooper stories yet?

TAYLOR:  What's a blooper?

CYNDI:  It's where Jan says something she wishes she hadn't but can't take back.  Evidently other humans can have the same problem.

BUDDY:  And Jan says a lot of things she wishes she could take back.  A few months ago we told the story of how Jan stood before the local Toastmasters club and opened the meeting with the words, "This meeting is adjourned."  (Bloopers, Winner and Cat Chats)

TAYLOR:  You're joking!

CYNDI:  She's been making a lot of public bloopers lately.  In fact, last Thursday, she told her fellow Toastmasters, it was the last meeting of February.

TAYLOR:  But it's March!

BUDDY:  Of course it is.  The members probably wouldn't recognize her now if she closed a meeting without a blooper.  They are going to miss her when her term of office ends.  There doesn't seem to be a worthy replacement in the blooper department.  She's got that nailed.

CYNDI:  Yesterday she was watching a question and answer video of five well-known ministers.  She was only familiar with  John MacArthur and Chuck Swindall but Greg Laurie, Jack Graham and James MacDonald were also part of the panel. 

TAYLOR:  Yes, they were sitting on a stage telling some fun stories of their ministries.

CYNDI:  At the end they each told a story about their most embarrassing moment.  And Jan found her soulmate in bloopers.

TAYLOR:  Who was that?

BUDDY:  Greg Laurie, the minister who said he finished a sermon, raised his arms and solemnly announced, "Let us pee."

NOTE:  Here's the link, in case anyone is interested in watching the panel discussion video.

Friday, March 25, 2016

An Alternative Plan

MERCI:  What are you doing?  I thought Jan took your ball away from you for a while because you were so obsessed with it.

MARCUS:  She did.  But I stole ... I mean, I borrowed it from where she hid it.  She'll never notice it's missing.

MERCI:  Wanna bet?  It will stick out like a sore paw in this small pen.  There's no place to hide it.

MARCUS:  Sure there is.  I'll just store it in the one place Jan won't think to look - Rusty's cathouse.

RUSTY:  I don't think so!  My cathouse is guarded by Marine Seals.  No dogs or dog toys allowed!

MERCI:  I hope you have an alternative plan, Marcus.

MARCUS:  I don't suppose you'd care to tell Jan you borrowed it?

TAYLOR:  Since we are not posting on weekends at this time, we are posting our Easter card a couple of days early.  May you have a meaningful and blessed Easter.

We are joining the Pet Parade blog hop with hosts Rascal and RoccoBionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Owned by a Husky.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Sarcastic Sharing

RUSTY:  Jan is upset with you, Micah.

MICAH:  I can't imagine why.

RUSTY:  The usual.

MICAH:  You mean I stole something again?

RUSTY:  Yep!

MICAH:  But Jan should know better than to leave food lying around.  Even for a second.

MERCI:  You ate half her sausage Tuesday.  Before she had a chance to turn on the burner.

RUSTY:  You are a lightning thief.  Have to give you credit for that.

MERCI:  You stole that turkey neck while Jan answered the phone.  Too bad she caught you running away with it.

RUSTY:  And you stole it again when she popped out of the kitchen.

MICAH:  Ate half of it, too, before she remembered to cook it. 

MERCI:  What's left of it is cooling on the stove.  Along with some turkey innards.

RUSTY:  It was nice of you to leave half for the rest of us Funny Farmers to share.

MICAH:  I thought so too.  Have to share with my fur siblings.

MERCI:   Micah, he was being sarcastic

RUSTY:  I guess I know what one of us is thankful for this Thursday.

MICAH:  Yes, I'm very thankful for a *burp* full tummy.

Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.   

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Just Another Crackpot

PERCY:  Some of you might remember our post A Perfect Failure from last July.

CYNDI:  It was the story of our new lightweight vacuum that made such a big mess it took longer to clean up after than it did to vacuum the entire house.

BUDDY:  It was returned!  Jan has been looking for another bagless vacuum ever since.  We couldn't care less.  We like dirt!

CYNDI:  She bought a new vacuum a month or so ago and returned it when she couldn't align the screws to attach the handle.

PERCY:  This is what she bought to replace it. It's a bit heavier than she would like and bulkier.  It doesn't fit under the bed or the desk or in a number of spaces she'd like to vacuum.

BUDDY:  The good news is that it has a flexible hose with a wand attachment, and our old vacuum wands fit this machine.  The hose on the other two machines were not flexible and had to be detached.  Now she just turns the dial and pops the hose from it's station.

PERCY:  See the large canister with the dirt?  She just has to lift the canister off,  open the bottom and dump the dirt into the trash can.  She doesn't have to change her clothes or clean the house.again every time she empties it.

BUDDY:  So guess what happened when she tried to take pictures?  Yep.  Marcus zoomed in for a closeup.  What a ham!

MARCUS:  I am not a ham.  I'm a model.  And if the right person sees my picture, I could become the vacuum company spokesdog. Just think, my picture on every box of vacuum parts.

CYNDI:  Marcus, you don't honestly believe that, do you?

MARCUS:  Why not?  Without a dream, I'm just another handsome face.

PERCY:  And with a dream, you're just another crackpot.

BUDDY:  When I was young I had a lot of dreams and I pursued them.  They never worked out well but I had a lot of fun testing them.  Percy, you were young then too.  Wasn't it fun to be involved in life?

PERCY:  Let's see.  We were almost arrested because you stole Jan's car.  You flooded the house when you tried your paw at plumbing.  We were almost fried when you took up TV repair.  You're right.  We had a lot of fun back then.

MARCUS:  You did all those things, Buddy?  Wow, you're my hero.  I want to be just like you. 

PERCY:  Stick to modeling.  It's a lot safer!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Shady Oak Funny Farm

CYNDI:  Today we're going to tell you why Marcus loves to be served meals in his private dining car.

MICAH:  You might remember this photo of Marcus waiting for the word to eat his breakfast.

MERCI:  He guards his food like it's going to disappear if he blinks.  No one is allowed near it.

BUDDY::  Marcus can be been food aggressive, so he eats in his private dining car when Jan has to take pictures of us dogs with food for a review. 

PERCY:  Now Marcus is asking Jan to allow him to be served all his meals in his private dining car.  Why?

TAYLOR:  Because Marcus has to be in the middle of everything.  If there's a fight, Marcus joins.  If there's a barkfest, Marcus joins.  If the back door is opened so one of the other dogs can go outside, Marcus shoves everyone aside (or down the steps) to bolt out the door.

RUSTY:  Buddy is a hound.  He likes to yell a lot.  Now that he's older, he likes to yell just for the pleasure.  When he yells, Marcus races to yell back or to yell at whatever Buddy is yelling at.  It can get extremely noisy in here, even in the middle of the night.

CYNDI:  Buddy also likes to eat.  For reason unknown, Marcus the food scraper has become Marcus the food tortoise.  He guards his bowl and takes his time.

MERCI:  Yesterday morning was one of those times Marcus growled as he ate.  There was no one anywhere near him but he munched and growled through the beginning of breakfast.

MICAH:  That might have something to do with what has been going on around here lately.

RUSTY:  Buddy recently put on his thinking cap and devised a way to eat one and a half dinners each day.  He cleans his bowl and leaves the room.  Shortly, he will start yelling at the top of his lungs.  Marcus races out of the room to join whatever is going on.

TAYLOR:  Buddy and Marcus pass each other in the kitchen doorway.   Marcus races around yelling, finds nothing is going on and returns to the kitchen to find Buddy licking his bowl clean.

BUDDY:  Now you would think Marcus would learn but he keeps falling for that.   The only time there is a confrontation is when I get ahead of myself and pass him at the table instead of in the doorway.  He starts a fight, Jan yells at both of us, and I go polish off his meal while Marcus watches.

MARCUS:  And now, if you didn't know before this, you know why they live on the Funny Farm instead of someplace named Shady Oak or something peaceful..

PERCY:  You mean why we live on the Funny Farm, Marcus.  You're just as loony as the rest of us.  That's why we love you.

MARCUS:  Well, I got the best of Buddy last night. He tried that trick again but he was too late.  My bowl was empty.  

Monday, March 21, 2016

Reimagine Thomaston

MERCI:  We had such peace and quiet around here for a few hours Saturday.

RUSTY:  Yes, Jan went out and put Marcus in his crate so he couldn't get into any mischief.

PERCY:  Jan and her friend went to Reimagine Thomaston.  She brought home a whole box of food but she won't share it.

MICAH:  Well, you have to admit, we aren't into drinking cranberry juice and we aren't allowed to have raisins. They could kill us.

CYNDI:  Yes, I guess there wasn't really anything in the box we could eat.

BUDDY:  It seems unfair we had to stay home while she had a good time.  And everything was free, so she didn't have any excuse.  Jan could have afforded free admission for all of us.

TAYLOR:  Jan got to chat with some humans she hasn't seen in a while and we got to nap in silence.  That seems like a fair trade to me.

MARCUS:  She took a few pictures.  They're not very good because I'm not in any of them, but they'll have to do for today's post. 

Norman Allen is on the ballot for County Chairman.  He is retired Navy so he would likely run a tight ship.  Good luck, Norm.

There was face painting for the kids.

Tim Gordy (blue shirt) heads A.C.T.S. Outreach of Georgia.  The initials stand for Always Choose To Serve.  Tim and some volunteers from Mountain View Baptist Church handed out food.  When Jan and her friend arrived, there was nothing left except hot dogs, but Jan ate two so she didn't starve.

Free haircuts.

Live entertainment.

Free clothes.  There were lots more on the other side of the white trailer.

Entertaining fun for the kids.

Free food.  They were giving out boxes filled with juices, applesauce, raisins, spaghetti and canned sauce, etc.  

Lanie and Michelle had some fun posting for a picture.  

Tim (right) and a friend stopped chatting long enough to pose for the camera. 

Two nice ladies from Silvertown Baptist Church worked at the clothing giveaway.

MARCUS: That's all we have for you today. Just a little fun outing for Jan. Never mind that we were left home alone to die of starvation.

CYNDI: Don't be melodramatic, Marcus! You've never starved since you came to live here.

MARCUS: Are you sure? I can hear my tummy rumbling. I wonder where I can find a box of dog biscuits to tide me over until dinner?

Friday, March 18, 2016

A Lot of Mischief

RUSTY:   I don't recognize these.  I hope they aren't the new curtain ties.  They'll clash with the curtains.

MERCI:  They are not a them; they're an it - singular.  Or at least they used to be an it before a certain someone chewed it and turned it into a them.

BUDDY:  You're not making any sense, Merci.  How can a them be an it?

MERCI:  If you remember this used to be my leash.  My new leash after Marcus chewed through your leash and my leash on the same walk.  (Marcus the Menace)  That was on February 14. Just three weeks later Marcus chewed through my new leash.

MARCUS:  Hey, I did no such thing!  Why do you all keep blaming me for everything that happens?

BUDDY:  Because you're generally responsible.  In this case, I was standing there watching you do it so I can testify to your guilt.

MERCI:  You watched him do it?  Why didn't you stop him?

BUDDY:  A guy has to get into some mischief or other guys will think he's a goody two shoes ... er, paws.

MARCUS:  Thank you, Buddy.  I think.  When am I supposed to have committed this mischief?

MERCI:  On Monday, the 7th.  You hid behind Jan while she spoke with the water guys after we returned from our morning walk and you deliberately chewed my leash in half.  She didn't notice until we reached the front door and she was holding three leashes but I was standing at the top of the steps.

MARCUS:  The 7th?  I can't remember what I was doing almost two weeks ago.  I've accomplished a lot of mischief ... I mean, a lot has happened since then.

RUSTY:  You can say that again!

MARCUS:  Why, didn't you hear me the first time?

RUSTY:  Of course I heard you.  I was just agreeing with you.  You certainly have accomplished a lot of mischief since then!

We are joining the Pet Parade blog hop with hosts Rascal and RoccoBionic Basil, Barking From the Bayou and Owned by a Husky.

Thursday, March 17, 2016

Happy St. Patrick's Day 2016

TAYLOR:  Hey, whose idea was it to bring me one of Sam's old hats to wear?  His head was bigger than I am!

BUDDY:  Don't worry.  It was just a joke.  We asked Jan to include you in our post today since we're using a graphic from 2014. 

TAYLOR:  Sam was sure a character.

BUDDY:  Yes, he was usually wearing the wrong hat for the occasion but we had a lot of fun teasing him about it.

TAYLOR:  Cameron the Tuxie left for the bridge a few months before I arrived, but I've heard he and Sam were well-loved by all of you. 

BUDDY:  You weren't here long enough to get to know Sam's sense of humor.  He was always making us laugh with his silly faces.  Marcus is trying to fill his shoes ... er, paws now but he's a different personality type.

TAYLOR:  Marcus is a different everything. I think his brain is filled with confetti so his personality changes as the different colored confetti shifts position.

BUDDY:  I never thought of it like that, but you might be right.  Let's hope his green confetti has shifted to the front of his brain for the day.

MARCUS:  Hey guys, are you ready for the wearing o' the green today?  I am.

TAYLOR:  Look at him strut out of the room.  I do believe one of these days his brain is going to explode confetti all over the place.

BUDDY:  I hope he doesn't do it in the kitchen while I'm eating.

FUNNY FARMERS:  Happy St. Patrick's Day to all.

Join Pepi Smart Dog and friends for the Thankful Thursday blog hop.

And Ruckus the Eskie for Thoughtless Thursday with co-hosts Love is being owned by a husky and Barking from the Bayou.  

Wednesday, March 16, 2016

Hard Hat at the Cleaners

PERCY:  The weather is warming and I'm getting antsy.  I think next time you dogs take Jan for a walk, I want to go along.

MERCI:  You know you'll have to wear a harness and leash to help keep Jan from wandering off, don't you?

PERCY:  Well, if I have to, but I think she should be old enough to find her own way home by now.  It must be so nice to see different scenery.  Pretty scenery.  Not the same drab view day after day.

MERCI: I don't know about pretty scenery.  This is a recent example of what we see daily on our walking route.

PERCI:  You're joking.  It looks like a ... a ...

MERCI:  A junk pile?  See the crane on the right?  There used to be a building there.  Actually, there used to be buildings all over the Martha Mill property but they are being demolished.

PERCY:  I think I'll pass on walking with you.  My hard hat is at the dry cleaners.

MERCI:  I've never seen you with a hard hat.

PERCY:   (*mumbles* And you won't see me in one now, if I can help it.)  How can you dogs walk Jan by that mess?  What if a building falls on you?  You'd be squashed.

MERCI:  That's why Buddy and I hang back and let Jan lead the way.  Jan is taller than we are. If anything falls on her, she might come through a little shorter but she'll survive.  You know how hard-headed she is.

PERCY:  It sounds like you have a good plan, but I have always heard you should never go near a constructions site  -

MERCI:  In this case, a demolition site.

PERCY:  Okay, you should never go near a demolition site without a hard hat. I think I'll wait for mine to come back from the dry cleaners.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

Chase Your Own Chicken

MARCUS:  I'll shut my eyes and count to ten and Micah eating our food will become a mirage, Merci.  Stay behind  my private dining car and don't look until I tell you it's okay. 

MERCI:  Don't get upset, Marcus.  It will ruin your breakfast.

MICAH:  You aren't losing any breakfast, Marcus.  I'm just licking the empty can.  You don't eat empty ... Never mind, I forgot you tried to eat an empty cat food can one day.  This is good.  What is it?

BUDDY:  It's the Tiki Gourmet Carnivore chicken with turkey flavor.  It's supposed to match our natural prey diet.

MICAH:  Is it from one of those chase your own chicken menus?

MARCUS:  No, the chicken is already cooked and shredded.  This is what it looks like in the 12-oz can.  It's made from chicken broth, chicken, turkey and olive oil.

BUDDY:  We're told these are some Key Benefits -
  •     Grain and gluten-free recipe
  •     55% protein, 35% fat, 0% carb
  •     Made with whole meats
  •     With added vitamins, minerals and trace nutrients
  •     Carbohydrate, starch and flour free
  •     Zero glycemic index
  •     Great for all life stages

MERCI:  How is the service in your private dining car, Marcus?

MARCUS:  The waitress could use a little training, but the food is delicious.

BUDDY: Yes, the service has been a little slow but Jan did finally manage to put our morning kibble topped with Tiki chicken on the floor so we can join you at breakfast.

MERCI:  Please don't make so much noise when you eat, Marcus, or we'll have to ask Jan to feed us as far away from your private dining car as possible next time.

MARCUS:  Hey, I've finished my breakfast.  Can you guys let me out of here?

MERCI:  Sorry, Marcus.  If we do that, you'll finish our breakfasts and we'll go without.

BUDDY:  I'd say, from the clean bowls, this food is a hit.  I think we should give this Tiki Gourmet Carnivore dog food 3 paws up!

The Tiki dog food was provided by We were not paid for this review and Chewy is not responsible for the content.

This post and Delectable Delights are part of the monthly Chewy blog hop hosted by Golden Woofs and Ox the Terrier.  

Monday, March 14, 2016

Paragliding Budgie Jump

BUDDY:  Hey, Taylor, did you hear the joke about the two morons?

TAYLOR:  No.  Finish your biscuit and then you can tell me.

BUDDY:  Okay, I'm done.  There were these two morons standing on the edge of a cliff.with their arms outstretched.

TAYLOR:  Are they morons because they're standing on the edge of a cliff?

BUDDY:  Partly.  One had budgies lined up on his arms.  The other had a line of parrots. They both leaped off  the cliff and fell to the ground.

TAYLOR:  Ouch!  That must have hurt.

BUDDY:  Yes, and they both ended up in intensive care at the hospital.

TAYLOR:  What about the birds?

BUDDY:  What?

TAYLOR:  What happened to the birds?  Did they fly away?

BUDDY:  Maybe.  Or perhaps they were being treated at a birdhouse clinic.  Can I finish the joke, please?

TAYLOR:  Oh, sorry.  Go ahead.

BUDDY:  One moron said to the other, "I don't think much of this budgie jumping:  The other replied, "I don't think much of this paragliding either.

TAYLOR:  I don't think much of the joke. 

BUDDY:  I don't think much of it either.

TAYLOR:  Then why did you tell it?

BUDDY:  Because it's the only one I could remember.